Trump Says ‘Join Us or Pay Up’ – Canada Claps Back

PM Mark Carney’s office issued a polite but firm “thanks, but no thanks”.

US President Donald Trump with Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney

New Delhi: Responding to U.S. President Donald Trump’s offer of a shiny new missile defense system to Canada for free if it agreed to become the 51st state of America, Minister Mark Carney’s office issued a polite but firm “thanks, but no thanks”, which, in Canadian political language, is roughly equivalent to slamming the door and double-locking it.

“Canada is a proud and independent country and has no plans to give up its sovereignty,” read the statement, which somehow managed to resist adding “eh?” at the end for emphasis. CTV caught the quote like a hockey puck to the chest.

Here is the deal – Trump’s “Golden Dome”, a name that sounds like a Bond villain’s secret lair or a fast-food burger, would allegedly shield North America from missile attacks and cost a breezy $175 billion. The kicker? Canada could either pony up $61 billion to stay independent or hop aboard the American statehood train and get in for free. Like a Costco membership, but with nukes.

In classic campaign-style flair, Trump laid it out, “If Canada wants to be part of the Golden Dome, they can pay or they can become a U.S. state and get it for free.”

One assumes he thought Canadians would leap at the chance to swap the Maple Leaf for a Mississippi zip code.

Trump also dusted off an old favorite, criticizing Canada’s defense spending, and suggested that true security only comes either via a big check or joining Team America, World Police edition.

Of course, Canada and the U.S. already share continental defense duties via NORAD, a long-standing binational agreement that is basically the most cordial joint security operation since Batman and Robin.

Canada recently doubled down on this partnership with a C$6 billion radar upgrade deal with Australia, because nothing says “independent” like outsourcing your Arctic eyeballs to the Aussies.

Canadian officials labeled Trump’s offer as “unserious”, which in Canadian diplomacy is only a half-step away from calling someone a “tool”. They reiterated that any collaboration on missile defense would be based on things like mutual respect and national dignity – not free stuff tied to annexation.

The bipartisan response in Canada was swift and unanimous – the idea of becoming a U.S. state was treated with all the enthusiasm of a surprise root canal. Analysts and politicians alike slammed the proposal as tone-deaf, unrealistic and frankly insulting to Canada’s identity – which includes, but is not limited to, poutine and polite disagreement and not being American.

While the idea of a Golden Dome glittering across North America might sound like a sci-fi fantasy with better special effects than most Trump proposals, one thing is clear – Canada’s not trading its sovereignty for a seat at the Pentagon’s lunch table.